'Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker' - Movie Review

After the five previous movies, I watched this with zero hope that it would actually be "good." I watched it instead for the spectacle. And spectacle I got. Every decision, by every character, is made exclusively to provide the most conflict and visual interest. Not protection of life and limb, not winning the war - just ... more visuals. Shit blows up. And some truly beautiful scenes are shown: nothing else about this movie is good, but the cinematography is outstanding.

SPOILER ALERT: This is stupid-ass shit I don't care about. I'm going to spoil. Stop reading now if you care.

Favourite ludicrous scene: Finn (John Boyega) and Jannah (Naomi Ackie) have just managed to cause the massive bad guy command ship to crash. As it's on its way down, the Millennium Falcon swoops in to save Finn and Jannah. They step onto the top surface of the Millennium Falcon - where they pause to admire the view. Cut to a shot of the Falcon swooping vertically up. That's right: you just dumped your heroes right off the ship.

Rey (Daisy Ridley), Finn, and Poe (Oscar Isaac) were fairly charming characters in the first movie of this trilogy, although the movie itself was a piece of crap. But the characters were chewed up and destroyed by Abrams' visuals-over-plot style. The movie, like the previous two in the series, is freighted with nostalgic visuals and blunt call-backs to previous movies. Most obviously the Emperor's fight with Rey, in which he reveals a view of the Rebels getting crushed by his forces to cause her to come to the Dark Side (didn't work last time either ... apparently he doesn't learn).

My second favourite ludicrous moment: when Kylo/Ren (Adam Driver) comes over to the good guys right at the end of the film ... all the scars on his face are gone. Because the scars are what made him a bad guy and we couldn't possibly see him as a good guy if he had them?! Unbelievably insulting and heavy-handed.

And a couple other things in no particular order: let's promote Finn to general and leader of the resistance, because he has so much experience! And as always, there's no consistency with previous Force/Sith powers, we'll just make shit up if it looks cool. But in the end, my opinion - any critic's opinion - is meaningless, because the movie made over a billion dollars at the box office. I didn't give them any money: I borrowed this from the library. As you should too if you insist on seeing it.